It’s easy for me to be suckered into buying books about writing and publishing. First of all, I wanna know about these things. Secondly, I can justify the expense by deluding myself into the belief I may find something worthwhile in their pages and I can discuss that nugget here on Slushpile.net.
There are 557 books listed in the Reference: Writing: Fiction section of Amazon. There are 3,270 books in the Reference: Publishing & Books: General section. But the sad truth is that the vast majority of writing and publishing books are shit.
And I’ll be damned if I waste any more of my money.
Sure, you’ll get a couple of useful pages out of these writing books. A tidbit here and there, scattered around like the rare winning ticket on the ground at the racetrack. But most of these books contain the same regurgitated information over and over again. These money pits can be lumped into three basic categories:
- How-To Books
- British Old Fogey Intellectual Books
- So Far Removed From It to Be Laughable Books
The How-To Book
Why do these books seem dashed off by some hack desperate to collect a two-thousand dollar advance from Writer Parasite Books so he can focus on that article for Cat Fancy? If you don’t refer to your book as a “fictional novel,” then these books are a waste of money. They dispense gems like “don’t send your gore-soaked, sexual deviant slasher novel to Harlequin Romances” and “address editors by name.” But if you’ve ever obtained a job where you aren’t required to include fries with every order, you already know the basic professionalism they offer.
I also include the Noticeable Formatting books into this category. These books tend to be unusual sizes, are often placed near the cash register in bookstores, and put more emphasis on showing off their fancy printer than examining writing. The voice in these books isn’t quite as stale as in the other How-To titles. In fact, they brag about their “witty and humorous” approach. But why do these writers all sound the same? One part sarcasm, two parts wit, one part snark, three parts Humor 101, and voila, you’ve got a so-called voice that is just like every other Noticeable Formatting book.
British Old Fogey Intellectual Books
Although not necessarily a British creation, these books do reflect the Anglophile’s mindset. Tweed-jacketed writers sit in their ivory tower and ponder the intellectual aspects of literary life while snow gently falls outside, Vivaldi graces the stereo, and the cat curls up by the fire. These books sometimes contain useful writing information, but you can’t stay alert long enough to absorb it. These titles don’t inspire me to dash off a new short story; they encourage me to sip a cup of hot tea and nap.
Consider these books People’s Exhibit A when debating the evils of tenure.
The So Far Removed From It To Be Laughable Books
These books are usually penned by literary giants who have useful wisdom to pass down from their lofty perches. However, the useful information is frequently undercut by the fact they haven’t been rejected in decades. I suffered one such book the other day. It was published just three-and-a-half years ago, yet this literary giant claimed simultaneous submissions are unacceptable and instructed to submit to one publication at a time. Maybe this person doesn’t have to wait, but down in the literary gutter, submitting to one magazine at a time will yield publication in a time equal to the half-life of radioactive material. Another book claimed that an unnamed, unfinished novel by an unpublished writer elicited positive responses from eleven out of a dozen agents.
These writers and the quality of their work demand respect. However, in many instances, they’re doling out advice that is the publishing equivalent of “you can’t get pregnant if you do it standing up.”
Call to Literary Arms
Where are the books for people like you and me? People that want to learn, to become better writers, but who already know to run spell-check for Christ’s sake? I want a book that’s useful for people who know the obvious facts but still have much to discover about the finer strategies. I want a book that’s for people who ache to write but who hang sheetrock all day or wash beer mugs all night. I want a book for people who are in the trenches, who still mail their own submissions and suffer the rejections.
I want a book for people who say fuck and don’t sound like they host NPR. For people who don’t capitalize the words “muse,” “art,” and “inspiration.” For people who listen to Ministry while they write and idolize Chuck Palahniuk and hate coffeeshops.
You don’t have to be stodgy about literature and you don’t have to be asinine to be humorous in your voice.
Pat Walsh’s 78 Reasons Why Your Book May Never Be Published and 14 Reasons Why It Just Might. John Dufresne’s The Lie That Tells a Truth: A Guide to Writing Fiction. These are fantastic books about writing and publishing. Anything by John Gardner. There are a couple of others but for the most part, I can name the great books on one hand. The majority of them are just ways for people to make a quick buck off your writing dreams, without offering any real guidance or sustenance in return.
If you talk to any publisher about a writing book, they’ll tell you the market is too small. Poets & Writers magazine has a circulation of 70,000 while Writer’s Digest reaches 150,000. There are more than 300 university and college writing programs in this country. Editors and agents everywhere squeal about being inundated with submissions. But we’re supposed to believe there isn’t a market for a serious, useful writing book?
Well, they may not be willing to provide an alternative, but I’ll be damned if buy any more of the shit that is passed off as literary assistance.
chill out your rant and read Dufresne’s book…get some persepective and get writing. If this book doesn’t get you going nothing will. It sensible and not condescending and no bullshit…a painful truth to change the blank page to something else.
I love Dufresne’s book. He was one of the first folks kind enough to conduct an interview with us way back in the beginning. And I was trying to say that The Lie That Tells a Truth is one of the handful of great books on writing available. Sorry if I wasn’t clear; it’s a masterpiece.
Thanks for reading!
A Hodes missed the point. He DID read the John d. book. That was pretty obvious to me, that he read it and thought it one of the rare good ones.
months later…i see i did not scroll down far enought to the rave of dufresne’s book…sorry…seems we all agree…it’s the best one out there
The books you mention are excellent. I’d add a few.
Lawrence Block’s “Telling Lies for Fun and Profit” and “Spider, Spin Me a Web.” These are collected from his old (1980s) column in Writer’s Digest, but–with the exceptions of passages that refer to typewriters, etc–they are very useful on both craft and stayin’ alive.
Despite being saddled with a horrible title, Stephen Koch’s “Modern Library Writer’s Workshop” is great, and his quotes and citations are joyfully eclectic (where else do you find William Faulkner, Stephen King, and Martin Amis cozied up together?).
Carolyn See’s “Making a Literary Life” is different from anything I’ve seen, and will give advice you won’t find elsewhere. (Write notes to people you admire. Thank those who savage you as a form of emotional jiu-jitsu. Live on tomato soup and red wine when you revise…)
I always found the interviews in the Paris Review’s “Writers at Work” to be invaluable, and expended much time and effort finding used copies of all eight volumes. But Paris Review now has their interviews on their website for free.
I just discovered your blog, and am enjoying reading the top posts first.
Strangely, I’ve had the opposite experience, as most of the books I own that are how-tos are pretty good and leave the snark at home. I’m more interested in genre fiction than literary material, though, so that may account for the different mileage. I really liked Orson Scott Card’s book on writing science fiction, and I’ve actually given Straczynski’s classic on scriptwriting as a gift.
It’s more the “touchy-feely” stuff that I have searched for, something that I can crack open and sigh, “Oh, yes, someone gets it!”. And that’s where John Gardner’s been a godsend. “On Moral Fiction” was not always my cup of tea, but I loved the central thesis, and his book on becoming a novelist is wonderful, not a word wasted.
I couldn’t agree more with this piece. As a writer who has purchased probably 200 books on writing over the past 15 years or so, I can say with authority that most of them are s–t. One great one that was not mentioned, however, is IMMEDIATE FICTION by Jerry Cleaver. It really reduces story construction to its essentials Also consider STEIN ON WRITING and ERNEST HEMINGWAY ON WRITING. They’re great, no-BS books by people who really knew how it was done.
The writing books I STRONGLY advise would-be buyers to avoid are the ones written by literary agents. Invariably these are about the publishing industry and how to find representation, and they’re supposed to offer you “inside” information so when you query them, you’ll have a leg up. Over the years I have read maybe a dozen of these, and I filed away their names for the day when I had a salable novel in the category they represented.
The novel is good; it’s been critiqued and endorsed by a National Bestselling author, and it’s been read and praised by agents in prestigious firms including Curtis Brown and William Morris. So, imagine my surprise when I queried the agents whose books I read, and for whom I knew the book was appropriate, and the reasons they gave me for turning me down completely contradicted everything they wrote in their books.
What I discovered (sadly) is this: what these agents say in their books and what they really believe are NOT the same. And the worst part of it is, a few of them seem to make the majority of their income from sales of their own books and workshops they offer, based on those books. I’m not going to name names, but they’re out there, so beware.
Now when I look for an agent, if I discover they’ve written a book about agenting or writing or publishing, I don’t even bother querying them. It may be a fallacy to think so, but I have to wonder how good an agent is at their job if they have the time (and the interest) to write books. Shouldn’t they be out SELLING?
As the Romans said: CAVEAT EMPTOR.
There is a new market in American Business. It’s called the wannabe market. There is a wannabe market in every area that at one time was considered art. There’s one for rock stars, fine art painters, dancers, actors, singers, movie directors, poets, and drag racers. Because the business of America is business, not art, our art is really a business. And it does not matter what you sell, just as long as you sell it. The authors of all those thousands of how to get published books were at one time in the same boat as you are now. They wanted to be Stephen King. You will find that your “art” will never sell as much as anything you put out that claims to help others as they develop their “art.” There is not enough room for everyone to make a living at their art, or even sell their art. But there is room for everyone to sell instructions on how to sell their art. Welcome to America. Pass the marketing manual, please.